Prayer:
Lord help us listen to you this morning. We confess that we are faulty people, and there are times we find it hard to maintain healthy relationships. Thank you for the wisdom you give us in your word. Help us receive this wisdom, and put it into practice. Amen.
A child runs through the house and knocks over the prize vase. It shatters into slivers of glass all over the floor. So the family spends the next 3 months trying to walk around or over the pieces of glass. Not only that, they decide to take some of the pieces and throw them out onto the path in front of the house, where others are in danger of stepping on them. Pieces of glass lying around can get stuck into a foot or hand, and the wounds can become infected, and the situation goes from bad to worse. Does this happen? Of course not!
Yes, accidents can happen. Many things could be prevented if we were more careful, if we took more time and consideration, and were better rested. But when things get broken, we pick up the pieces, so they don't cause further harm, and then we either mend what is broken, or replace it. If there has been carelessness or some fault, we say what needs saying, look for willingness to be more careful next time, forgive, and let go of what has happened. In short, we confront the situation, and deal with it in a constructive way, so we can get on with life.
Sometimes someone close to you might say or do something that hurts you. It may be so serious that it's like the relationship is shattered. Pieces lie everywhere. What shall we do? Leave the pieces lying around because we're afraid to make things worse, and call our friends and neighbours in to walk over them too? How might we do that? By talking about what the other person has done in a way that is critical and destructive.
Jesus has a better way. Deal with the issue. Confront the problem in such a way as to pick up the pieces, and not simply step over them or walk around them. Relationships can be mended, especially when we draw on the support and wisdom God provides. The wisdom that our Lord provides for us today, involves a process for healing and restoring relationships within the church. The first step is to speak with your brother or sister, and try to resolve the issue, just between the two of you. If this doesn't work, take a friend or two, to help. If that doesn't work, then bring the matter to the church - which means the congregation, and then the final resort is to exclude the person from fellowship. A simple process. A loving process. A process that protects a person's reputation and aims to preserve and strengthen his or her place in the worshipping community.
When we were younger, my brothers and I. enjoyed making model airplanes The kits we bought contained many pieces, along with detailed instructions. Those instructions were very important. If perchance they were waylaid, and we tried to finish the model unaided, the results could be disastrous: If we missed crucial steps early in the process, we might end up with pieces left over that couldn't be put in their proper places unless we took the model apart. The problem was, once the glue had dried, this was very hard to do. So we learnt to follow the instructions very carefully, step by step.
Relationships are much more complicated than model airplanes, but the principle is the same. To get the desired result, we need to follow the instructions carefully. It's not good rushing straight to the end of the process, because that can only things worse. But we do try to solve problems that way, don't we? When we've been hurt or offended by someone, whom do we talk to? Jesus said first take it up with the person concerned - and if possible, just keep it between the two of you.
Do we?
It may be that we have a lot of respect for Christ's words and teaching, but when it comes to our daily lives, we choose to do things our own way. We might decide to gloss over what has happened, and pretend it wasn't serious. Or we could dwell on the hurt, and let it get infected by self-pity, resentment and bitterness. Either way, unless dealt with, the wound will fester, and our relationships will struggle.
The first step in Jesus' plan is to go to your brother, and show him his fault. This assumes your brother is at fault. The whole aim is to win your brother over, in other words, to restore the relationship. This might happen very easily, if what we thought was a malicious act, was really something else, and we happened to jump to a wrong conclusion. It may be possible. This is why Jesus doesn't say, go and accuse your brother. He says 'go and show him his fault.' This involves confrontation.
You need to be honest. But the aim isn't to accuse, but to bring light to a situation, so that your brother or sister can see clearly what they have done, or failed to do, and what impact it's had on you. Then, they will have the opportunity to say, "sorry." and "Please forgive me."
Isn't this how we would like to be treated?
Remember the words of Jesus from the sermon on the mount: "In everything, do to others, what you would have them do to you..." (Matthew 7:12)
Paul shows us the approach we should use, in Galatians 6:1 and 2. "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ."
If we want to win our brother, we will use a gentle approach. It's the approach God uses with us. Yes, he confronts us. He uses the law to convict us of sin. But his aim is always to win us over. He tells us in Romans 7:20 "Where sin abounds, grace much more abounds." This does not mean we should take sin lightly. Not so. Sin is more deadly than a floor covered with slivers of fine glass, with bare feet approaching. Sin not only wounds, it has power to kill us eternally. But God's grace is stronger than our sin. His forgiveness dissolves our offences, and restores us to fellowship with himself. Through the sufferings of Jesus, our faults have been dealt with, and we can have peace with God, now and forever.
Christ died for our brothers sisters too. They need God's forgiveness, just as we do. Since God has accepted us freely, not holding our sins against us, we in turn will "...freely forgive, and gladly do good to those who sin against us, (borrowing words from Luther's explanation to part of the Lord's prayer)."
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over..." But if our brother is stubborn, the Lord doesn't want us to give up. We can get help. And even at the end of the process, if it comes to excluding someone from the fellowship, we will still care, and leave the door open for them, just as the tax collectors and unbelievers were still cared for by the Lord.
May God give us the courage, and the love, to follow his counsel of winsome confrontation with each other, so that our fellowship is enriched, our peace increased, our love deepened, and God is glorified. After all, a vase can be replaced, but relationships are too precious to squander. Amen!
May the peace of God, which is beyond our human understanding, keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Amen.