Prayer: Heavenly Father, You love us dearly, and you love all the people around us. You know how jealousy and self-interest can spoil our relationships with others people. Our sinful hearts and lack of love grieve You. But You are constant in love and mercy, and now You want to speak to us words of truth, to release us from the sin of coveting. Renew in us spirits that are happy and content with all that You give us. Help us in turn to be generous, and supportive of others. In Jesus' name, Amen.
When is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?
When one looks at life through green-coloured glasses. Looking at life through rose-coloured glasses doesn't help a person cope with the rugged realities of life. Green-coloured spectacles don't help, either. What are green-coloured spectacles? Well, we know the saying, "I was green with envy!"
How do we look at things? are we contented? Are we happy with what God has given us? Are we grateful people? We thought about this last week, when we looked into the 9th command. That command exposed our greed, our desire for more and more things. As well as possessions, this 10th command turns the spotlight on our hidden thoughts and desires about other people.
What are your thoughts and desires about the husband or wife of another person?
Friendship is one thing. Intimacy is another. Where emotional intimacy comes into a friendship, we should walk very carefully. Genuine care and helpful counselling may gradually change as deep feelings are shared. A friendship may then go too far, and violate the marriage promise of 'I take my husband/wife, to the exclusion of all others.'
We do need to talk with other people. It is very healthy to have friends, both male and female, as well as one's husband or wife. We don't need to be overprotective of our husband or wife, and resent their friendships with other people. But we must be wary of anything or anyone that lessens our loyalty and intimacy with the marriage partner God has given us. He is a witness to our marriages, he says clearly in Malachi. Instead of looking over the fence and fantasising about how nice it would be with someone else, God calls us to loyalty and faithfulness. This begins in the heart.
We need to watch our desire for other people's workers as well, according to this command. A good worker is very valuable. Luring workers away from other employers is banned in this command. Rather we should encourage loyalty and faithfulness. There may be a situation, though, where one person doesn't have enough work or can't look after a worker. No harm in employers talking about it, and workers changing jobs, if it's done properly, with respect for all involved.
What about wanting a politician or policeman or teacher or pastor that others have? Have we ever thought, "things would be much better if we had so-and-so in charge."? That may be right. We don't have to pretend a person is better than he or she is. But what does it mean to be content with what God gives? Instead of complaining and undermining a person, what could we do to encourage and support him or her?
The grass is often greener on the other side of the fence only if we look through the green-coloured glasses of envy. God has given us what is good for us. If we don't have something we think we need, He invites us to ask Him for it. He loves giving. He is a generous God. He is always generous with us, and He is always wise in what He gives us. He calls us to trust Him.
Are we envious of the popularity someone else enjoys?
Do we crave the power and influence someone else has?
Have we yearned for complete intimacy with someone outside of our marriage relationship?
Let me repeat some words from last weeks's sermon:
"God wants us to have peace. To be satisfied. He knows where we will find true satisfaction. It's not in Mammon [Money]. It's not in things."
Now let us add: True peace and satisfaction is not in getting what we think other people have, either, in terms of intimacy, power and popularity. True peace comes from God.
We like to have nice things, things that make our lives more comfortable. That's ok. But when we set our hearts on having things that belong to other people, or that are out of our reach, we could be led into desperate actions. Covetous desires centre on our selfish, sinful hearts, and prevent us seeing what God has generously given us.
We like to have good relationships. We have emotional and social needs. God knows our hearts. He knows our lives. He sees every desire. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It grieves His heart to see our hearts consumed by covetous desires. Because He loves us, God gives us this command:
"Do not covet your neighbour's wife, or his manservant or his maidservant, his ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour." Why not [covet these]? Because your God wants to gives you what you need.
Let's hear what James 4:1-3 tells us about desires, and what they lead to:
" 1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
As in the 9th command, we need to recognise that underneath our envy and coveting lies fear and selfishness. Fear that we will miss out. And the selfish attitude that thinks 'God owes me a living.' God doesn't owe us anything. We are the ones who owe Him. We owe Him perfect obedience, love, heartfelt gratitude, and an eternity of praise! Instead of this, we keep looking over the fence. Whenever we do that, we show that we are ungrateful. We accuse God of giving us rubbish. Instead of valuing the relationships God has given us, and doing what we can to improve and protect them, we neglect them, and look over the fence. "If only I was with that person!" "If only my parents, or teacher, or brother, or fellow church members were different!"
Selfish, ungrateful soul!
Who am I talking about? Let's ask ourselves: Is it me? Am I wearing green-coloured, envious glasses? Am I grateful for the people God has put in my life? Do I take time to enjoy these relationships? Do I think about the interests of others, about their needs, as well as my own needs? Do I trust God to take care of me?
James goes on to remind us that the Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. James 4:6,7
God's gift in this 10th command is the gift of satisfying relationships. We can't receive this gift as long as we keep the green spectacles on. We won't realise what precious people God has put in our lives until we stop looking over the fence.
Let us confess our sins of envy, selfishness, coveting and ungratefulness to the LORD. He is gracious. Kind beyond measure. He pays for our sins. Let us mark well the cost, and humble ourselves before him. As our hearts are touched by His love, gratefulness will spring up, like a field of green, and show us that our side of the fence is really a lovely place to be: Because this is where God is.
What about our deep needs and longings? Ultimately the gift of satisfying relationships is found in God alone. He loves us with an eternal love. His loyalty and faithfulness to us is unchanging. As we close, hear the word of your God, recorded in Psalm 37:4 - a word to cherish and ponder, a word to fill your heart with thankfulness and praise:
"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Amen.
First command (God) | Second command (God's Name) | Third command-a (Sabbath, part 1) | Third command-b (Sabbath, part 2) | Fourth command (authority) | Fifth command (Life) | Sixth command (sexuality) | Seventh command (property) | Ninth command (wanting things)| Tenth command (wanting people)| command against idolatry| 'What does God say of all these commands?'