Text: Ephesians 5:1-4
1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Prayer: Lord our God, today we consider a very personal subject, and we need You to help us. Guide us so that we might gain a better understanding of how you want us to live. Help us to appreciate the loveliness of the gift of sexuality, and to honour Your gift of marriage. Above all, bring us closer to Yourself, for true intimacy and fulfilment is found in knowing You, and receiving Your love. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.
God invented sex. Are we allowed to say the word in Church? Yes. Reverently, because God invented it. It is a good gift, which He wants us to receive with thanksgiving.
Being male and female makes life fascinating... and frustrating too! You may recognise the title of a recent book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. What do you think of that? Would you say thats right? Sometimes women do find men acting like they are from another planet, and vice versa. But its not true: we are from the same planet. We have been made by the same hand: the hand of God. He has made us similar, yet different. This can be frustrating, but is really meant as a blessing.
In Genesis 1 we learn that God made Man (or, the human being, if you like) in His own image. In the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them. This means that men and women, together are in the image of God; together, we reflect God. This happens as we relate in genuine love. Our text calls us to be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and live lives of love. True love is Gods kind of love. Love that is patient and kind, not selfish or proud; considerate, faithful, honouring, ennobling, sometimes firm if necessary, but also gentle and delightful.
We care called to love all people, male and female, but there is a level of love that is reserved for one kind of relationship alone: The deep sharing of bodies in complete physical intimacy. This cannot and must not happen just anywhere and with anybody. Certain plants will only produce flowers if the climate and conditions are exactly right. This is how it is with sexual intimacy. It holds great promise, and is part of Gods continuing work of creating more human beings, but needs a special setting before the blessings that God intends, emerge. The special setting is marriage.
Throughout the world, there are many different kinds of marriage customs and ceremonies, but every culture and nation has something called marriage. In our Western society many enter into intimate relationships outside of marriage. Some want to have these so-called de facto relationships accepted as marriage, but we still recognise a difference between a couple that is married, and one that just moves in together. We arent so shocked any more. But the old words still apply: it is fornication or adultery, and is a form of rebellion against Gods institution of marriage.
God gave us marriage from the very beginning. Jesus makes this clear in Mark 10, when some people were looking for excuses to separate from their marriage partner,(usually because they weren't content and wanted to find another one).
At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave (or be united) to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, people should not separate. (Mark 10:6-9)
This tells us that when a couple marry, it is God who does the joining. Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24 which lists 3 things as a commentary on the first marriage, when God brought Eve to Adam. They are Leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh. Every culture will have these elements in what they recognise as marriage.
Leaving is the public action. Even if a person has moved out of his or her parental home already, the wedding ceremony marks the leaving of the family of origin, and the creation of a new family unit, a new family home.
Cleaving is the joining of hearts in friendship, loyalty and love. It involves commitment to this one particular person, to the exclusion of all others, and is a covenant for life.
Becoming one flesh is sexual union, but it is never simply physical. There is no way we can split ourselves up into mind, body and spirit. What our body does, involves our spirits and minds. The union of husband and wife involves the whole of themselves. It is a total giving of oneself to the other, freely and joyfully, with complete trust, and the security of a permanent relationship, protected by Gods gift of marriage.
Think of a cake being prepared. The ingredients get mixed together. This is like a relationship that is being formed. What would you think if we put the icing on and tried to eat this cake while the mixture was still soft? Yuk! It has to get baked first! Think of icing as sexual intimacy. The baking stage stands for the wedding. Once the cake is baked, the icing can go on, and we can enjoy the cake, as it is meant to be.
What about so-called casual sexual encounters? That's like trying to have the icing without the cake. Not very satisfying. Not healthy either!
We live in a society that is constantly pushing cake-less icing onto us. That is, sex outside marriage. It is so common that we arent shocked any more. We tolerate high levels of immodesty in our entertainment, literature, conversation and imagination.
The command, you shall not commit adultery isnt just about what we do with our bodies. Our thoughts are just as important.
Listen to the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard that it was said, You must not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.&tab;In the next verses, Jesus goes on to show how serious sin is: If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lost one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. and if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
In a mountain tribe in Pakistan they have a penalty for adultery: the persons nose is cut off! The missionary who told me this said, There's no adultery in that tribe! To be truthful, we wouldn't be able to tell. Jesus points to adultery of the heart as equally damning. We could gouge out both our eyes, but still be guilty of an adulterous heart.
What is the opposite of adultery? It is love.
The devil, the world and our sinful self all lie when they try to get us to believe that being unfaithful to ones spouse is justified if its done for the sake of true love. True love involves faithfulness. It means keeping promises, and doing all we can to strengthen a persons relationship with his or her wife or husband. There is no true love in any thought or act of unfaithfulness, whatever our feelings try to tell us! Adultery is the opposite of love. It is an all-out attack on love. It always brings grief, however nicely it is dressed up at the time.
Gods intention is that married couples continue to grow in their relationship with each other. He wants them to be a reflection of His own loving nature. This means taking time to be together. It means taking time to talk, and even more importantly, to listen. It means being willing to open up to each other. To share with this your closest friend, the thoughts of your heart.
The best protection against unfaithfulness is to keep falling in love with each other! And contrary to Hollywood, falling in love is something you choose to do. At the heart of love is the decision to give oneself to the other person, and to hold nothing back.
But what if you are not married? What if your partner is no longer with you? How do you deal with the deep need for intimacy, and with sexual desires? Even within a marriage relationship, there are times when we need to be patient and understanding. In marriage, as in all of life, we cant always have what we want. We are given the opportunity to grow in patience and self-lessness.
True joy and peace comes by entrusting ourselves to God, and thanking Him for our situation. Yes, thats right. Thank God for the situation you are in. He is in charge of your life. He cares for you, and understands everything you are going. He has promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation (or time of testing) has seized you except what is common to all people. God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it.
Ephesians 5:3 says But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity... Not even a hint! If I love someone I don't want to put up with even a hint of an insult against him or her. It makes sense.
There are consequences for indulging in sexual immorality of any kind. Emotional, psychological, social, spiritual, and perhaps physical consequences too. God wants to save us from grief, emptiness and pain. He calls us to take the better road, even if it is a narrow road. A road that leads to life.
Ephesians 5 continues: [Among you there must not be]... obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place. They dont belong. They are like a blowfly in your bowl of icecream. Instead, there should be thanksgiving. Sexuality isn't something we should joke about. It is far too precious to be dragged through the mud by swearwords and dirty jokes. God calls us to accept our sexuality with thanks.
Let me ask you, then: are you thankful for Gods gift of your sexuality? It is not a bad thing. It is not dirty. It is a good and holy gift, intended to bring new life into being, and to bring pleasure and to enhance the relationship of husband and wife.
Do you value and protect this gift, in your heart and mind? Are you careful about the way you talk about it, and how you act? What are you doing to support your marriage, and the marriage of others?
Many, if not all of us, have failed in this area. To sinners who have broken this command, as well as any other command, God offers forgiveness, cleansing and restoration. In our text, God Himself tells us: Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. We may loathe ourselves because of failures in this area, but Christ loves us still. We may think our situation is just too hard to handle, but Christ gave Himself up for us, as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. If we turn to God for deliverance and help, He is delighted to receive us, and to keep on receiving us. Jesus promises us, I will never turn away anyone who comes to me. He gives us His holy Spirit, and makes us holy. This is His gift to us! Because of Jesus, we have new, pure hearts. We can learn to love again, and honour God with our bodies, our minds and our hearts, to the glory of Him Who is true Love, forever, Amen.
The peace of God which is beyond all human understanding, keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, AMEN.
First command (God) | Second command (God's Name) | Third command-a (Sabbath, part 1) | Third command-b (Sabbath, part 2) | Fourth command (authority) | Fifth command (Life) | Sixth command (sexuality) | Seventh command (property) | Eighth command (reputation) | Ninth command (wanting things)| Tenth command (wanting people)| command against idolatry| 'What does God say of all these commands?'